HE’S HERE!!

Wow, I am so bad at keeping up on this!! But I am pleased as punch to announce that on Wed, May 7 at 5:17pm, Mister Easton made his entrance into this crazy world!

It was a crazy day. Started out with a doctors appt early in the morning. IM and I had been getting more and more nervous about labor since it would take 2 hours to get me to the hospital if I did go into labor on my own, and my daughter was born in 1/4 the time! So we set out to discuss our options with the dr that morning. He checked my cervix, stripped the membranes(WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST!) and because I was already dilated to 4cm, he called over to the on call doc at the hospital. Sadly, my doc was out, and won’t be back for another few weeks. The on call doc told him to have me come right over! So we stopped at McDonald’s on our way, picked up a Happy Meal for my little one, called her Daddy to have him leave work and pick her up at the hospital so I could go in for some monitoring. The hospital was PACKED when we got there. Like, women laboring in the hallway packed. I did NOT want to labor in the hall, but I also didn’t want to risk going home after having my membranes stripped! I was monitored for 20 min, no contractions. The on call doc came, checked me, STRIPPED THE MEMBRANES AGAIN, and sent me walking. Of course, as soon as I’m upright and moving, I start having very mild, but fairly regular contractions. Back to the bed for monitoring! They placed an 18g IV in my arm so we figured I’d be staying for overnight monitoring. Well, another 20 min with no contractions laying down! At this point, I finally get moved from the bed in the hallway, to an actual labor/delivery room. This time, the nurse said it was fine if I stand while hooked up to the monitors. It turns out, Braxton Hicks contractions show up more while laying down and true labor shows up more while upright and moving! As soon as she got the monitor plugged in to the machine, I had a fairly good contraction, and the on call doc came in right after. This man was a CRACK UP! He had me get on the bed so he could check me again……

AND HE BROKE MY WATER!!!

Well, we were definitely staying after that!! So IM started making all the phone calls to family letting them know that it was happening! This was 4:00pm. Within 20min, I was having contractions every 2-3min, peaking around 70-80 on the monitor(I have no idea how strong that is in the scheme of things but the way they wrapped around my back was HELL!) At this point, I asked for some meds. I was going to try and do it med free but the back pain was something I had never had to deal with before and I was not prepared for it. 10min later, in comes the nurse with Fentanyl. Oh Fentanyl…. How I love thee! Less than 2 min after the drugs enter my IV, I turn to IM… “Yep, I’m high.” At least it made all of us laugh right??? By now it had been about 45 min since the doc broke my water. I was progressing VERY fast so the nurse called the doc in and they brought everything out to prep for delivery. Right around 5(only an hour of labor) it was time to start pushing!! I do have to say, the doc covering for the on call doc’s dinner break wasn’t my favorite person. She wouldn’t let me push in the position I wanted to. I pushed for 3 of the next 6 contractions and the final one was “PUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHbreathPUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHPUSHbreathPUSHPUSHPUSHrelief!!!!”

Mister Easton was earthside. Weighing in at a healthy 8lbs, 8oz and 20″ long. His APGAR was 9/9! Perfect color, perfect chubby cheeks, perfect newborn cry that sounded like a little monkey! They cleaned him up and IM had her skin to skin time while the doc stitched up the tearing on me. IM, IF, IA(auntie) and IGA(great-auntie) were all there to witness his birth and support me in this final step of carrying him. Our journey was long and hard, with many bumps in the road, but we did it. And we did it well. Never have I seen so much love and joy in one room before. People have been asking me how I’m doing emotionally and if it’s been hard to give him up after gestating him, but I can tell you, 100%, I haven’t had to give him up. He’s with his Mommy and Daddy, where he belongs, but I will always be his special Auntie and I am so blessed to be able to watch him grow, after giving his Mommy and Daddy the greatest gift I ever could.

I’m also enjoying not being kicked all day long, crazy heartburn, and the ability to sleep without a newborn keeping me up all night. ūüėČEaston Jaxx

Nesting?! Already??

Well it’s official. All the stuff I normally just “Meh, doesn’t bother me too much” has started to REALLY bother me. Like the stovetop. Usually takes 4-5 days of cooking before I HAVE TO CLEAN. Not so anymore. I can hardly wait for the stovetop heating coils to cool before it gets wiped down. Dishes? I could handle them piling up until they were a full load… sometimes more. Now I’m going nuts at just 3 bowls being in my sink. Can it be that at only 6 months, I’m NESTING?? Am I really going to have another 3 months of this? Granted, I do like that my kitchen is clean everyday, and the rest of the house is following. Decluttering is next on my to-do list. How did I accumulate so much STUFF??? Why is it impossible for my husband to throw away beer bottles and caps?How does my daughter manage to destroy the entire living room in under 15min?? I love having a clean house, and the energy to keep it that way. Especially after battling such severe anemia after losing the twins that I had a hard time just walking upstairs to go to bed, or take a shower. But I do wish that I was capable of sitting down and watching an entire episode of Dexter, Bones or The Walking Dead WITHOUT feeling the need to get up and follow my daughter, picking up the toys she discards in her wake.

I really hope I’m not the only one going through this at this stage. I never experienced this until at LEAST 8 months with my previous pregnancies. In the past, it’s been triggered by the Baby Shower. Get all the cute stuff, have to get it clean, “Oh now where am I going to put this??”, cleaning, organizing, prepping…. Speaking of Baby Shower, how am I going to make it through that? IM will be the one getting showered with gifts and I feel like the day should be all about her(IM’s mom has already started planning a HUGE bash for her) and not me. I mean, yeah, I get it, without me, there’s no baby to shower but I’m just the oven. I love feeling this little mister kicking around and hiccuping, but I will not regret handing over a newborn to his mommy and going home to my nice quiet bed with a toddler who sleeps through the night!

But back to the original point. AM I REALLY NESTING ALREADY?? Hubby better watch out before he’s banned from the kitchen…

Reflections on 2013

Last year was quite a year for me. January started the official journey into becoming an over for my dear friends little bun. My little girl was only 9 months old. She was cruising furniture, but not walking. Had a vocabulary of ZERO words, but still managed to communicate the basics to me. It was a rough month for us, since I was placed on birth control and could no longer nurse. Somehow, we made it through with limited sleep!

By February, we all started to get the feelings of anxiety, looking forward to egg retrieval and then the subsequent transfer of teeny little embryos. Mid month, we hit our first speed bump. The egg donor didn’t start her period. Because of this, everything was pushed back another month. Anxiety had been extended, with an additional worry. Would everything be okay with the donor the next month? Meanwhile, my little miss was finally learning to sleep without my help!

March came around and I had to learn to conquer my fear of being stabbed with needles. Sadly, I had no one to help me so I had to do it myself! Thank goodness, it was just teensy shots in my belly. No biggie. Nothing like what was to come…. Little miss got to go on her first airplane ride at the end of the month too! She was a CHAMP!

Finally, we get to April. The month of transfer. Too many doctor appointments to count, my first time being on valium, two little nephews joined my family and no, they were not twins! Baby fever was flying high for all! It was also the start of the NEEDLES FROM HELL!! Seriously, worst part of this whole thing has been those damn needles. I still massage my hips, remembering the painful knots! Thankfully, we had a 1 year old little miss to celebrate as a distraction.

May was a month filled with JOY!! I peed on so many sticks to make IM convinced that yes, it was true. BABY! First blood test came back and of course we hear, “With levels this high, I bet it’s twins!” And they were right. Baby A and Baby B made their first appearance in a picture toward the end of the month. Little Miss and I finally got to meet the nephew from Hawaii and spend my sisters 30th birthday with her. I just wish we had spent more time at the beach!!

By June, I had mastered the self stabbing and we moved from a teeny apartment into a nice house with more room than we knew what to do with! Everything seemed to be going wonderfully with the twins. They danced around and waved during the ultrasounds we had. But it all fell apart. On June 12, we lost them. My first miscarriage ever. The man I always turned to in my time of need, Pastor Alsop, was taken home to God only a few days later, leaving me feeling lost and confused. My family and I mourned 2 years without my son. Pretty much, at this point, JUNE CAN KISS MY ASS! Seriously. WORST. MONTH. EVER.

I think July was the scariest for my family. July 3rd, I almost died after losing over 5 pints of blood. I’ll admit, I did get scared at one point. Blood pressure dropping to 37/14? NOT FUN. Oh and then there were the after affects. Anemia can KISS MY ASS! I know I know, that’s twice. But I hate anemia almost as much as I hate June.

The beginning of August was spent waffling back and forth as to whether or not we would try again. Oh and a lot of doctor visits. My doctor making sure I was okay after the hell of July, fertility doctor checking to see if it was all okay to go for round two. Everything ended up being okay so on August 28, we transferred the final embryo and crossed our fingers and thought sticky thoughts.

September we got confirmation via pee sticks, blood tests and finally, ultrasound that round two had worked! Again, I was pregnant with another persons baby. Yay! But we couldn’t tell anyone. After all we went through with losing the twins, we tried to distance ourselves this time and the easiest way was to keep it a secret. Again, shots suck. They REALLY REALLY SUCK!

October I celebrated another year past by going to bed early, yay pregnancy! Little baby was doing well, growing like a weed with fertilizer! The end of the month I graduated from care with the fertility doctor and got to END THE SHOTS! If I wasn’t pregnant, I would have celebrated with a glass or 3 of wine!

November rolled up and baby let us see…. HIS BOY PARTS! Yay! Baby BOY!! Turned out the fertility doctor was right! He said Boy at only 10 weeks! I guess he’s as good as they say. Also, we shared with the world, well IP’s did, that Baby Boy was on his way! No more having to hide it for me.

Which is a good thing because by the time December came down upon us, I could no longer button my pre-pregnancy jeans! I graduated again. Except this time, it was into maternity pants. More like yoga pants 90% of the time but still. Same difference. Christmas Eve, we received confirmation that he is definitely a HE and that all his little fingers and toes are there! He kicks me like crazy, all day long. I think it’s his way of reassuring us that everything is working out well. As of last weekend, he is officially viable if anything should happen. Every day I make it, is another step toward relief!

I’m back!

I’m back! With news too!! After the trouble we had with babies A and B and my almost dying, the choice to try again was a hard one. But try again we did. IM was not very optimistic and IF didn’t even want to talk about it. But here we are….

20 WEEKS PREGNANT!!! 

Thats right! 20 weeks pregnant with a baby boy!! Halfway through, and a week away from viability!

It's a boy!

It’s a boy!

Another Bad Week…

This past Wednesday started out just like any other day. Coffee out on the deck in the cool morning air, while the kiddos slept in. After finishing my coffee, I decided to go upstairs and check on my daughter to see if she was ready to get up. I made it to the bottom of the stairs when the hemorrhaging started. Immediately, blood was pooling around my feet. Called 911 right away and waited. My oldest step son, who is here for visitation, came out of his room shortly after. I made him go back in so he wouldn’t see the blood. By the time the fire department came(less than 5 minutes) I had already lost about 500cc of blood. I was taken by ambulance to our small local ER where they checked my H&H to see if I needed a blood transfusion. They knew immediately that I needed to be transferred to a hospital with an OR, which was an hour away. Unluckily for me, my insurance was fighting the transfer. I honestly have no idea why! After 4 bags of saline through an IV, they were still having trouble keeping my blood pressure and pulse regulated. Then things got very scary. My BP bottomed out at 37/14. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, I couldn’t move my body the way I wanted and the ER Doc ordered an emergency blood transfusion and called my insurance cussing at them. My medi-vac team arrived just after I had finished getting my second unit of red blood cells. This whole time, I was still bleeding just as badly. I was loaded up into the helicopter for the 15 minute flight to the bigger hospital. I was now on my 5th bag of saline. I arrived at the hospital and had to wait for them to call another OB in to care for me… bleeding profusely the entire time. After a scary hour and a half wait, the OB came and ordered an emergency D&C and a shot of Hemabate to control the bleeding. At this point, he gained so much respect from me. Even though the Hemabate was working to slow my blood loss, he classified me as critical in order to get me into the busy OR within the hour. After being taken into surgery and waking up, it was confirmed to me that there had been a very small piece of tissue left over from the miscarriage.¬†

 

I could have died. Very easily. The nurses and doctors couldn’t believe I was still able to talk after my BP bottomed out. God was watching after me for sure. I am grateful for all the teams that fought for me to get the care I needed and saved my life, while keeping me calm and comfortable.¬†

I NEVER want to go through that again. EVER.

Where to begin…

I’ve spent the last 2 weeks trying to find the words for this post. None have come easily. I guess I should just start with the scare we had on June 8th…

I woke up in the¬†morning¬†feeling fine, just a bit tired. Got up, took a shower, had my cup of decaf on the deck and waited for my daughter to wake up. At around 9 while in the bathroom, I started bleeding, then passed two palm sized clots. I immediately got hubby up and we rushed out the door to head to urgent care after dropping my daughter off with my parents. IM was out of town but was hopeful it was nothing serious. After arriving at urgent care, we get seen by a dr and he takes me in for an ultrasound after a pelvic exam(which showed him nothing except my cervix was closed). As soon as the wand touched my belly, we saw baby B, hear rate about 160 and looking great. As he moves the wand around he couldn’t locate baby A. We were then sent to a local hospital to have a more¬†comprehensive¬†ultrasound done then back to urgent care to get the results. By this time, I had started cramping like I was in labor. I was in so much pain. Sitting in the waiting room was the most nerve wracking experience of this whole process… Was baby A still okay? Of course, the dr was at lunch so we waited for just over an hour. FINALLY, we get to go in and see him. Baby A was looking great!!! Heart rate of 157 and measuring perfect for gestational age. We were so relieved but still had no answers as to why I was bleeding and cramping. On¬†Wednesday¬†morning, I drove down to the fertility clinic with IM’s mom to check and make sure I was okay. I was spotting a little bit still but they didn’t seem too worried. Babies measured great with heart rates of 161 and 165. 9 weeks, 2 days. But still no answers about the bleeding. It wasn’t coming from my uterus so they figured that I was bleeding just below my cervix from the suppositories.¬†

7pm, shit hit the fan. I had laid down and taken a nap with my daughter after the emotional stress of the day. I got up when hubby came home to go pee and before I even reached the bathroom(a whole 10ft from my bed) I passed a fist sized clot. I called IM and asked her what I should do and she said to just take it easy and we’d go back to the fertility clinic the next morning. I hung up the phone still worried but feeling a little better, still sitting on the toilet. I then felt what I thought was another clot pass. Looking down, I knew I was wrong. There in the toilet was one of the twins, sac intact. Panic mode set in just as I passed the other. I didn’t have any cramping at this point and barely any blood. Just the babies. I called IM back and told her to meet me in town since we live 20 min away, out in the country, and it was another hour drive to the ER from there. Tears were flowing freely by now with both of us knowing that this was the end. We met up at our local Walgreen and I popped inside to check my pad and pee again. I didn’t even make it halfway through the store when I felt something was wrong. Just as I entered the bathroom, I passed the¬†equivalent¬†of a football sized group of clots and started to hemorrhage. I will never forget IM’s terror as she checked on me and saw the entire bathroom floor covered in blood. Immediately, she calls 911 and they arrived within 5 minutes. I’m loaded up as the medics are asking 5 million questions. Once in the ambulance(which IM rode in with me) I’m hooked up to heart rate monitors and blood pressure monitors. My HR was over 120bpm and my bp was dropping. I was feeling very very dizzy by now so I was given an IV with fluids to increase my blood volume. The medic said I would have passed out about halfway to the hospital from blood loss. I was still in shock about what was happening… IM was crying and both our husbands were following in panic mode. At the hospital, they did an ultrasound and confirmed that both babies were gone, which we already knew since we had brought them with us for pathology labs. I didn’t have much tissue at all remaining and had stopped passing clots by around midnight. Still had almost no cramping. I was hooked up to a pitocin drip and given an injection of methergine to help contract my uterus back down and control the bleeding. Now the cramping started so I was given morphine. How the hell people can be addicted to that I will never know. I hated the body rush and I felt like my head was wobbling everywhere. It did it’s job though and stopped the pain. 4am, I finally got home, feeling empty inside. I had gone through too many emotions in a few short hours and was exhausted.¬†

We still don’t have any answers why everything happened the way it did. Babies fine and then lost 7 hours later. Maybe over the next few weeks we’ll begin to get some answers but I’m not keeping my hopes up. I’m not sure if this is the end of my surrogacy journey already, but it may be. So with a heavy heart, I sign off…

For now at least.

I’m a slacker…

First, let me apologize for not updating… Hubby and I just moved and don’t have internet yet. On top of that, we barely have cell reception at our house!

On to the juicy details… As of today, I am 9 weeks pregnant with TWINS!!!! We had a bleeding scare this morning but both little punks are still okay! I’ll leave it there for now since I’m mobile but will update the whole story soon!!!

Transfer complete!!

 

 

Image

There they are… Embryo A and B. Yesterday both were guided gently to the top of my uterus in the hopes that they will find the perfect place to implant themselves.¬†

Our day, IM and I, started early. Before sunrise she picked me up for the 2 hour drive down to In-Vitro Tech for the transfer. The whole way we talked¬†about¬†our hopes and dreams for the baby(or babies) this might result in. We finally arrive, have a few more things to sign and we’re ready to go. The embryologist comes in with this picture of the little sweeties. 15% hatched! He said a few things that made both of us nervous…, “I wouldn’t call them perfect…” was the worst. ¬†Luckily we did find out that meant that on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the best and 5 being the worst, he gave them a 1-. So close enough to perfect! At this point I was given a small dose of valium. Wow. That stuff is like drinking a bottle of wine without the hangover! It was my last time feeling like that in hopefully 9 months! The doctor came in shortly after, inserted a catheter into my uterus and “dropped off” the embryos.

So now, I have 2 little “could be babies” snuggled(hopefully) into my uterus and I’m confined to my bed until Tuesday. IM gave me a whole package of “Bed rest supplies” though. Magazines, a new book, a new movie, chocolate, redvines, a Visa gift card for hubby to buy me dinner every night and a couple pairs of cute jammies to lay around in! All that’s left to do is hope and pray the babies stick.